The early days...of brave girl undies & babysteps

The other day I was having a conversation with someone about how much more they sleep since moving to Paris. And I responded with YES, it's crazy right? I sleep so much, and then I got to thinking, actually I used to sleep so much. I'm finally just starting to get back into a bit of a normal routine. But it made me think back to when we first arrived, how exhausting everything was at the start and how different it all is now.

I remembered how hard the start was. Now I feel like I am finally in the swing of life in Paris. Things aren't the same as home in NZ, but we have made a home on the other side of the world, and it is wonderful in it's own way. We have made fantastic friends, we have a cute little apartment in a beautiful village, we have new dreams and have embraced a new culture and I know our lives are so much richer because of it all. But it didn't just happen. Yes, now as I think about it, I don't remember the exact change from the beginning, to our life now. But I do remember the start, the challenges and difficulties. I also remember the moments where we had to step out of our comfort zone and be courageous. I know that is how we have got to where we are today, along with the blessing of incredible people who have come into our lives. So I thought I'd write a few reflections and some memories of the early challenges. And hopefully it may bring some encouragement for others who have decided to start a new life on the other side of the world tooI remember the early days. Joe and I arrived in Paris on a Sunday evening, there was a lot of excitement, it was a beautiful summer's evening we couldn't believe we were in Paris and that this was our new home. We went out for dinner and had such a lovely time. But I also remember that the very next day Joe started work. And I remember straight away feeling really overwhelmed. I'm a pretty independent person, I'm comfortable spending time by myself and don't feel like I always need Joe around me (although I definitely prefer it when he is there). However in the early days I relied on Joe so much for everything, he speaks French, I didn't. He was my form of communication with the outside world. There were so many situations where I was so nervous because I knew I was going to have to speak French. I remember times where I would message Joe asking him exactly what I had to say, and bless his heart, he would respond with it in French, spelling to out phonetically so I would be able to pronounce it! This photo is the first pastry and coffee I ordered in French, to be honest, I was pretty chuffed with myself lol, babysteps.

I also remember in our first month in Paris I would often visit the supermarket 3 times a day to get food for dinner! I'm not exaggerating. It took me 2 months to get a sim card for my phone, so for the first 2 months I didn't have any internet when I was out of the house. I remember writing the shopping list before leaving the house in English, then google translating and writing the French words beside. I would then go to the supermarket and see what I could find. If I was unsure of something I would take photos on my phone of the product, go home, google translate it, and then go back to the supermarket to buy it. The first time I went to the supermarket by myself I reckon I would have spent at least an hour looking around, completely confused, and probably walked out with like 3 things. Anyone who's moved overseas or traveled will understand this. Often there were things I still couldn't find on the second trip. I was way too nervous to ask someone for help, most people in the supermarkets around me didn't speak English and my French vocabulary was at about 10 words, so I would often go back to the supermarket for the third time that day, with Joe when he would return home from work. Now praise the Lord I only have to go to the supermarket once a day, and I know the French name for all my groceries, but it took time.

Another memory from early on is I remember walking down the street past two people arguing dramatically. I had no idea what was going on, why they were arguing or what they were saying. I remember in this moment thinking how strange it was that I couldn't eavesdrop to know what was going on. I know that eavesdropping is not good manners. But it was crazy for me when I realised how much we connect with people around us unintentionally through language. I remember feeling so isolated. Even though every day I passed hundreds of people, I didn't have any conversations with people, and I had no idea what people were saying to me, or to others. It was also a massive culture shock, going from saying hi to strangers as you pass them at the beach in NZ and talking to supermarket attendants about their day, to no communication apart from "bonjour". I felt so disconnected to everyone around me because of the language barrier. Language is something I've always taken for granted. My French has improved a lot, but I still have this disconnect in random conversation and particularly on public transport - to this day I often have no idea what is going on, on the trains. I just follow the crowds, if everyone is getting off the train, I guess it's best for me to also. Roll with it, it all makes a funny story, and builds that resilience!

So if you are an EXPAT, and you've decided to move countries for however long, then firstly GO YOU! It's actually a massive thing. It's incredibly exciting, but also really hard. Give yourself time, be kind and patient to yourself. It's totally okay if somedays you only get one thing done all day, that's okay! It won't be like that forever. For me, it took about 6 months. There were days when I felt super lazy coz all I did was watch Netflix (often to escape the scary French-speaking world). There were days when I felt so incompetent and silly because I freaked out over having to ask the concierge if we had mail...and I slept a lot! BUT there were also a lot of days which were filled with adventure, seeing a whole lot of beauty, small achievements, new friendships, and so many stories!

I don't believe in set formulas for everything, but this is a couple of things that helped me to settle in, and maybe it might help you too?

1) Seek out friends who speak your mother tongue or have a similar culture

Often people who move overseas either do one of two things: i) only hang out with people from the same culture as you, or ii) try to fully immerse themselves in the culture of the country and avoid all other EXPATS. I didn't want to do either of these things. Our goal was make friends from everywhere, and we definitely wanted to make lots of French friends! However in the early stages I found having fellow expat friends really helpful. They understood the difficult things that we had to go through. It's also so important to have meaningful conversations with people and when you're learning a new language your conversations are pretty boring!

2) Find a community to join

Straight away (within 2 weeks of living here) Joe and I got involved in volunteering at our church. We found a community that we wanted to be apart of, and from the beginning we decided to get as involved as possible. I remember at the start being so nervous and worried about every introduction. I knew that each time I would have to explain that I don't speak french yet, and explain why we were here. But after putting on my brave girl undies and getting through lots of uncomfortable situations, I now can say that we have so many incredible friends through our church, and we really have an amazing community here already, in just a year!

Joe also got on Facebook and joined a running group where he met such a great guy, and now a close friend! Getting involved in community early is so crucial to start feeling connected. And with Facebook there are now so many groups that are so easy to join to meet people!

3) Embrace the culture

In the first month in Paris I didn't have work (visa issues) and so I spent a lot of time exploring. I forced myself to get out of the house and walk around the city. Sounds funny because I was in Paris and of course I'd want to see everything right? But it's so different when you move somewhere. But I still went out and about. I learnt how to catch all the different types of public transport, and learnt the lay of the land. I'm so grateful that I did that then, because now I can help others, which I love.

I also learnt to embrace learning French, I have never learnt a language before, and found it hard, but also really fun. I found a French teacher who is great and has taught me SO much. Now I have started trying to have little conversations with people in French and it is amazing how much more connected I feel!

4) Be brave & be patient

These are both so important. There will be days where you wow yourself with how you coped with a situation, and there will also be days where you will head home and hide away watching Netflix.

Every time I say to people I live in Paris they often have this response of wow, how magical, how incredible! And yes, Paris is incredible beautiful, but living somewhere versus being on holiday is so different. I often felt so silly or spoilt saying to people, ah it's really tough here, life in Paris isn't always easy. But moving to Paris was a culture shock, and there definitely were challenges. I still find it really tiring having to prepare for every conversation before I actually have it, so I know exactly what I need to say in French.

It's so important to give yourself patience. When you move, everything is new, you have to re-learn everything. SImple tasks that you did at home, become difficult, for example it took me a couple of days to buy an iron! In NZ I would have done that in 20mins. I would know exactly the right store to go to, where it's the cheapest, and if they don't have it in stock, I can communicate with the checkout person and I will know the next steps. In a new country, with a new language everything is more difficult.

BUT it is all so worth it! It's so good being able to now look back, and reflect. To remember the really hard parts, and to know that we got through them. And therefore when more come up in the future (which I know they will) we will get through them too! And I am so thankful for an incredible, supportive husband, family and friends. It's people who really make the difference. So find good people in your life and you'll get through!

Our first Parisian picnic!